Welcome to my first lifestyle post!
I wanted you guys to have pieces of me that were outside of fashion, blogging, and business and essentially let you into the other sides of my life, and what better way to jump this off by talking about my fucked up dating life!
COVID & quarantine has definitely forced me to look at dating a whole new way. I was actually invited to be a on sex radio show to be potentially paired up with eligible bachelors. Time differences prevented that from happening but it still made me look at the status of my current dating life and how I want to change it, especially because of COVID.
My dating life and history is well, trashbag. I’m admitting it. And now that we’re in the middle of a worldwide pandemic, it has me thinking “will I ever find that person for me?”
So during this time, I’ve realized some very distinct and important details on who I am when it comes to dating and finding a potential partner, some good, and some things that I need to work on:
I’m Not a Submissive Woman
This has been something I’ve argued with 80% of men I’ve encountered, but after exploring who I am and how I want my relationship, and eventually my marriage to be, I’ve realized I am not a traditionally submissive woman, and don’t care to be. Religion is something that is not a factor for me because I don’t believe in mainstream Christianity (another conversation for another time) and I’ve made the same amount of money, if not more, than the men I’ve talked to, so class isn’t a factor either. So, with both of those factors out of the way, there is no logical reason for me, as a woman, to “submit” to a man and let him be the head of the household. The only reason that presents itself is because he has a penis, and for me, that doesn’t fly. Men aren’t better than woman, and men shouldn’t be in charge of leading women when half of them can’t lead they damn selves. Call it what you want, but AK ain’t going for it.
What I am going for is a true partnership – in life, love, and business and I don’t think it’s so farfetched to have that without one person having more control over the other. Yes, there will be situations that I will need to let my man/husband lead because he has more knowledge or a better way to get us from point A to B, but he’s going to have to let me do the same. Traditional submissiveness is just not something I want or desire. That also means I don’t desire being a housewife or a stay at home mom, it’s not in my blood.
I Don’t Believe in Gender Roles in a Relationship
Expanding from the above – I don’t believe in cooking and cleaning and doing “homemaker, household chores” simply because I’m a woman. Men – your hands aren’t broke. Again, if I’m making the same amount of money as you, that means we’re both going to work. Why is it that I’m expected to go to work, take care of the kids, cook, clean, and cater to my man simply because I’m a woman, and a man is only expected to provide? This is an extension of my point about not being a submissive woman, and at the end of the day, no job has a gender. I can take out the trash while you cook, I can put up some shelves while you tend to the kids, as long as the job gets done it really doesn’t matter who does it.
I Put Too Many Eggs in One Basket
I was never taught how to properly date, I don’t think most of us are actually taught that. When I meet someone and vibe with them, I tend to focus my energy and attention all on them instead of letting that person compete for my time, attention, love, and ultimate status of being my partner. It was a hard pill to swallow but I’m slowly but surely trying to break outside of this. I was told that as long as boundaries and open communication are set with any and everyone you’re talking to, the person who wants you in their life will do what they need to in order to make them the only person you want, and I’m trying to embrace that concept. It’s hard because I crave relationships, and love relationships and I’m an impatient person, so this is definitely a work in progress for me.
I Find Myself Dating Down
Now look yall, I don’t purposely do this, I really don’t – so I may need some tips, tricks, and a tutorial from my fellow sisters on how to score a baller. Anyway, I somehow find myself dating down. Here’s the thing – you don’t have to make oodles of money and shit like that, and I never promote that type of mentality. My basic minimum requirements for dating are that you make what I make (which ain’t alot), you have your own place, own car, and goals and shit. Basically – be able to take care of yourself before I come into the picture. You would think that would be easy right? NO! I found myself time and time again dating “potential”, and potential ain’t never took me anywhere but to bed with a migraine. Maybe my standards are too low, maybe I’m just not marketing myself right, but I know this is a factor I had to really look at and identify as a reason why I haven’t be in a meaningful relationship in like….years. I’m too old to be settling for less to accomodate somebody’s ashy ass son, no ma’am.
My Patience is Non Existent
I’m going to chunk this up to being a Sagittarius (yes, I blame my problems on my zodiac sign, blow me). My temper, anger, and patience do not exist and I am woman enough to admit that my lack of patience and I’ll even go to the extent of saying lack of compromise has hindered building relationships in the past. Honestly? I don’t have time for bs and I think I’m too quick to call out what “bs” is when really, I’m probably just being difficult and closed off. It’s a character flaw that I’m working on everyday.
Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not just finna deal with any and everything – you got me f’d up. But there are some things in the past I was so quick to call out when in reality, I may have messed up potential connections by jumping to conclusions too quickly – my bad.
I Don’t Have a Type
I’ve opened myself up to not having a type. I feel like types are what keep you in similar situations, so I try to be as open as I can when it comes to the men I would consider talking to. Size requirement? No. Lightskin vs. Darkskin? Hell bring them both. As long as you treat me and my daughter good and ain’t no serial killer we gucci.
I’m More Emotional Than People Think
I’ve been told by many men that I’m nonchalant and they can’t get a reading on me. I’m not nonchalant and I’m actually far from it. I wear my feelings and emotions on my sleeve and I get very offended when those feelings are not reciprocated, so I try to be very careful on who I let in and how much of me I let them have access to. I don’t like being hurt as it triggers my anxiety in a way that almost makes me sick. I’m also very slow to reading “signs” (again, it’s the Sagittarius in me). If you like me, you have to verbally tell me because I’ve conditioned myself to not act on things unless you tell me how you feel. Again, it helps me not get hurt easily. These are two flaws that I’m also working on, never said I was perfect – far from it.
I’m Not Equipped for Situationships or Entanglements
In my younger years or even 6 months ago I may have entertained the good ol’ situationship, but now I need up front communication on intentions – like in the first conversation. Are you looking to just fuck? Cool. Looking to get to know me and be friends? Awesome. Looking to date? Yay. Looking to be my man? Cmon! But I need to know this upfront so I can have the ability and respect of making the decision on if I want to deal with you and your intentions. Point blank. I’m tired of entering into situations that have potential of being something but never result in such because intentions were never discussed. We too grown and I’m over it.
I Don’t NEED a Man
Hold on-let me explain. When I say I don’t need a man, what I mean is, all of my time and energy should not be devoted to finding a husband or jumping into a new relationship. I’m a firm believer of everything happens for a reason and happens when it’s supposed to happen. So – if I get into a relationship now, awesome. If it doesn’t happen for a few years, great! If it never happens – that’s OK. My life does not revolve around having a man, and does not make me a failure at life. I want a man, I don’t need one – big difference.
How has your dating live changed since the big rona? Let’s talk about it!